So after months, my dad comes home and for once all four of us are together. As yuppie sundays go we decide to go to bandra via the sealink.
We reach Bandra in about 20 mins decide to dinner on junk at elco arcade and are generally having a good time as a family after....actually I dont remember the last time as a family we went out and had a good time.
Then my younger brother starts with a big of nag tone and he starts getting irritated and generally starts behaving like a total jerk with me.
I get upset. By the time we reach home the 'great outing' was not so great anymore.
I got into thinking about families...more often then not, most families are actually made up of distinct personalities.
to describe mine.
My mother is the eldest of four siblings. Having lost her father at the age of 16 she got married early at 19 yrs and had me soon after. She is extremely pious and religious and believes in 'duty', usually feels unaapreciated in her efforts. Tends to be a nag, very loud and suffers from cleaning OCD. She wants things to be done her way so much so that if by mistake I express my desire to cook she starts of with the do's and dont's. In the process making me look like a total nincompoop. Actually I think she is probably the one responsible of projecting her daughter as an antithesis of an ideal daughter to the world. Clearly we are poles apart.
My dad was born to a small time farmer, one of the 7 siblings- 3 sons, 4 daughters. My dad was educated away from family. He lapped up the opportunities presented to him and I am very proud to say that he is truly a self made man. My dad is sort of logical and easy going in his thinking and ways. May come accross as lax too sometimes...however, when it looks like an attack to his stature there comes out the anger and sometimes violent anger. I feel my mom is a nag from his point of view cuz he seldom seems to get things right accroding to her.
How they have lived together for so long is beyond me.
But having said that I think to them life beyond family, or beyond each other isnt a possibility. Their upbringing or values perhaps ensure that the D word is a phenomenon of the wrong society. Not theirs of course.
My brother is younger than me. We have a difference of 3 yrs between us. While growing up he was a shy kid but extremely cute to look at. Growing up in Mumbai that shyness dissapeared and he slowly went on to become a master of ceremonies. Dont get me wrong. He isnt the loud one at a party, he is the quietish guy who ensures the loud one makes a scene and then guffaw about it to the world. Which means that my brother is adept at guaging peoples buttons. This talent of his I believe developed while he was growing up especially with his trials and errors on me.
Now he is a grown man. He has started working. He has a girlfriend. And he paints a picture of an ideal son making me look bad all the time.
Why making me look bad. So here comes about me in my family set up.
When I was a child I was this hyperactive skinny kid who was always running around and usually upto no good. I was stubborn as hell. Got a lot of thrashing while growing up and also got into stupid situations like once I managed to get my head stuck between iron railings. I was also good at studies and extremely talkative. The qualities which led me to be very popular in school since I was a straight A student who did everything.
There was nobody who could get to me. Except my brother. As kids and like most siblings do...we fought a lot. Physical verbal you name it we did it.
After a point when he started growing taller and bigger than me I started to back off and usually indulged in verbal assault than physical.
Anyhow, My brother ends up going away for a good five yrs for college and me go away mostly on work.
What hasnt changed is his knack of finding my buttons.
Getting back to what happened on saturday evening. My brother started off and I didnt care for a good 50 mins and after that I got irritated.
Not at him. But generally at the situation. Is it so difficult to have a good time as a family. Without one element of nasty?
I mean is it that difficult to be non unpleasant for a couple of hours with a general purview of everybody 'having' a good time?
Then I wondered what is it about families?
I mean everybody is different. There is so much unpleasantness on a daily basis actually but yet people call it a unit. Why?
I do believe that all relationships reach a plateau at some point or the other. Wherein its either downhill or a point of no return.
I am still thinking about what keeps it together. Maybe ther will be an edit on this...But till then..I shall be contemplating.
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